Privacy seems like a basic concept and a simple human right, but parents often neglect to talk explicitly and intentionally with their kids about it. Simply by defining what privacy is and how that translates to respect and behavior, you will help to avoid humiliating stories, from mildly embarrassing within your own home to more serious breaches of respect on the internet.
Every human being needs a certain amount of privacy. There may be intimate details about each of us that we choose to share with our families, spouses, and closest friends. When we chose to do that, we become vulnerable to others while developing intimacy and trust. However, people have differing beliefs about what they will or will not share with others, and as a result, have varying needs for privacy. Nudity, sexual behavior, toileting and bathing, are the most commonly agreed upon private behaviors. People in the U.S. are also deeply private about other things, such as income, age, and political beliefs.
When it comes to the internet, especially social networking sites and other online formats, both adults and kids are at a loss as to what privacy really means. What does privacy mean if you can Google just about everyone? What does it mean to have our credit card numbers stored on a site? What about phones that can take photos and post them on Facebook almost instantly? What happens when our shopping histories are recorded by our local grocers every time we use our discount cards?
The first thing we need to do is understand what privacy is, why it is important to us, and to communicate that within our own homes so that our values about privacy are clear to everyone. Then we need to develop an understanding of how others define and value privacy, and to learn appropriate respect for those differences.
Define privacy. For example: Every adult has the right to be alone when doing things that they consider to be private behavior. Some behaviors that people consider to be private are things like changing clothes, using the toilet, bathing or sexual behavior. Some people and cultures also believe that other behaviors like grooming, kissing, arguing, or crying, are things that should only be done in private. Sometimes privacy also means that one does not have to talk about or answer questions about things that they consider to be private – some people believe that one’s weight, age or income for example, are private matters. In our family, we believe that….
Explain about closed doors. You might say, “A closed bathroom or bedroom door means that someone wants to be alone. You need to knock on a closed door, and wait to be given permission before entering.” Adults need to extend this same courtesy to children, unless they believe that the child is in physical danger. Modeling privacy from an early age is an important way to develop an understanding and appreciation that can help people avoid uncomfortable or humiliating situations in the future.
Invasion of privacy is serious. Peeking behind a closed door, whether through a hole in the door or via webcam or other technology is a complete invasion of privacy. No matter what the intent – from curiosity to outright bullying – having one’s private moments shared without consent can be embarrassing, humiliating or devastating. Making this clear at home is the first step to preventing situations in the future that might be truly harmful to others.
Discuss online privacy. Everyone needs to know that almost any words, photos or videos that are texted, emailed, blogged, or posted on a website are stored permanently and can be viewed by people who wish to see them. Something that a person posts, tweets or shares today will likely be available forever. Future employers, police, press or partners may be able to find this material at any point, and depending upon the material, there could be legal consequences. There is no way to control material once it takes an electronic form and is distributed. Anything that is done behind a closed door or a conversation that is limited between people should not be shared in any electronic format.
Look for next month’s article on Kindness!
For more information, contact: Elizabeth Casparian, PhD, ecasparian@hitops.org
